[April 1, 2012] Not content with mutilating the occasional cow, or creating an intricate crop circle, the extraterrestrial bandits have started stealing public art. They seem to be starting with Sarasota’s controversial bayfront sculpture, Unconditional Surrender.
While most of the Sarasota community views this as a loss, some scientists view this as a breakthrough in our understanding of these interstellar visitors. One scientist believes the days of experimenting are over. “You’ll notice,” he says, “that human abductees are always returned unharmed. Probed, but unharmed. But this sculpture is not coming back.” His conclusion is startling.
“They’re collectors … enthusiasts,” he says. “I’ve always maintained that alien visits to this planet are connected with their search for resources. Perhaps the galleries and museums on their own planet are in ruins. Now they’ve located a new source for art.” So what does it tell us about aliens?
“They like figurative art,” says this scientist. “And maybe they’re partial to people kissing. But who isn’t?”
And the revelations don’t end there. In his 2009 book, this same scientist claims that aliens have been walking amongst us for years. In fact, he says, the human race – at least, certain influential and gifted members of it – are descended from extraterrestrials and now live in Lakewood Ranch. These new developments prove his hypothesis, he says.
“They are so like us. The amount of art they seem to be consuming, and the fact that they’re stealing it, means they’ve learned to fit in with human society. They have become indistinguishable from ordinary Americans. Our response to this turn of events should be gratitude,” says the scientist.
“After all their abductions and experiments, they seem to have made their choice,” he says. “And we should be glad that their taste runs to art- not humans.”